The end of the year always makes me reflect on the past year & make goals for the next year. What are things you want to change. What are things that you want to keep the same. What has worked. What hasn't worked.
The past few months I have really started to focus on self-health. Self-improvement. Self-motivation. Self-worth. It is so easy, almost natural when you become a mom that you put kids first, your title becomes mom and your needs come last. If your kids are healthy and happy, you feel complete. Until...you don't. I wouldn't say that I feel incomplete, but I have had this feeling come over me where I miss simple things that I did before kids. That "missing" feeling makes me think what would life be without kids. That feeling makes me feel SO GUILTY...I hate that feeling. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, I wouldn't want my life any other way. I prayed for kids. I prayed for this family. I am so blessed. But the putting your needs and wants on the back burner for years and years catches up with you and you start to feel that there has to be more.
The "more"...literally such simple things. Buying those $13 joggers you have been eyeing up, but keep telling yourself you don't need it. But you have no problem spending $30 on jeans for your daughter! For years, we would go shopping, we would buy things for the girls and for my husband and we would go home. My husband would look at me and say you never buy anything for yourself. I would brush it off and say well I don't need it. Now I'm not saying I am going to buy everything I want or see...that is so far from what I am going to do. It is finding those things, materialistic or not that makes you feel happy.
I want to challenge myself in 2022 to remember that I have needs and wants too. That it is ok to buy those $13 joggers. That it is ok to go get my hair cut and colored. That its ok to go get a pedicure. That its ok to take time for myself away from my kids. That IT'S OK, without feeling the MOMMY GUILT! Guilt...I should be spending the money on kids. I should be saving this money. I should be giving my kids more of my time. GUILT is what drives me mad. GUILT is what makes me put myself and my needs at the very end.
Will I still put myself last, absolutely. I don't think you can become a mom and be the best mom if you don't put everything before you. You may disagree. Maybe it's just how I view motherhood, and maybe that is why I am here sharing all of this with you. But being a MOM, being present with my kids, giving my kids EVERYTHING, making memories with them...that is what I live for. If I never understand life...the one thing I will KNOW is that I was meant to be a mom! I may not know what I am doing most of the time, always wondering if I am being the best for them. Questioning every move, but you best believe I will never give up on trying to be the best and giving them the best life.
Which leads me to being the best version for them....this means I need to put myself first from time to time. I need to recharge. I need to feel rejuvenated. It sounds so materialistic, but getting a new sweater, paired with my basic everyday black leggings, new boots from christmas & a long puffy vest that I have wanted for so long...makes me feel pretty. It makes me feel "female" again...It makes me feel more than just a mom. ALL MAMA'S deserve this. Don't settle any longer with the "I'm just a mom" ... I love loungewear more than anything. I will rock joggers and a sweatshirt everyday, but the difference is FEELING GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF in any outfit you wear.
I have finally reached my goal weight. I feel good in my clothes again. My confidence has returned. I finally have that feeling that I am a woman, I am a wife. I am a mom. I am daughter. I am a friend. I am so much more than a mom! This year has been eye opening! It has been a health struggle. But dangit… we made it with a light at the end of the tunnel! Persistence! Lots of tears. Lots of frustration, but never giving up the good fight!
The goal for 2022...
Doing something for myself 1x a month, this will look different for everyone, but something that gives you peace. Something that you look forward to. Something that makes you feel whole!
Trying new things...I feel like I get stuck in a rut. I stick with what is comfortable, school routines, after school activities, mom life. Pushing myself to do different things, change up the routine a little.
More adventures...small or big..but to explore. My heart is so happy when we travel. Whether it is a far trip or locally, exploring new cities and towns makes me so happy. Taking a roadtrip for 1 day, driving literally in the middle of nowhere with the music cranked and our family singing makes me happy.
Regular date nights...weekly or bi-weekly. We don't have family close. We have 1 babysitter locally, I know that it isn't always accessible, but to put forth the effort and to plan for it.
This past year I have been dealing with a lot of health issues, treatments & so many things that are out of my control that I feel like the things I can control in life, I need to fully take advantage and not take anything for granted. We get one life. We don't know when our expiration date is. I want to live my life to the fullest, with my family, friends & not have regrets about not doing something because I was afraid of change or afraid of trying something new.
2022 I'm here for it. Bring on another year filled with love, joy, laughter & many memories. I hope you all have an amazing New Years Eve & a blessed 2022. Thanks for your reading & sharing your time with me!
xo- KK
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