Ever feel like you have SO much to say, but you don’t know where to start...instant scatterbrain & then it takes too much energy to talk so you just shut down? Well that has been my life lately.
Pure exhaustion... not because my 1 year old doesn’t sleep through the night, but just mentally drained. Everyday I wake up and think today will be better, my kids won’t drive me crazy, I will have better patience, I will smile more ...I will make it a great day! 5 seconds later it is meltdown #1 for your 4 year old over what she is or isn’t going to wear to school. Cue the downward spiral of yet another crabby MOMday!
To be honest, I have crabby days, but who doesn’t. I typically can get out of the “funk” within a day or so, but this past week I couldn’t kick it. It didn’t matter how much I tried, I simply couldn’t handle anything! Do you ever have those days or weeks where everything sets you off? The first day...you’re like I am burnt out and that is why I am crabby. The second day you didn’t get enough sleep so that must be the reason why you are still crabby, right? The problem this past week was I couldn‘t figure out what my trigger was. I hated it. I hated the mom I was being. I hated the wife I was. I simply felt defeated & I didn’t know what I could do to kick it.
I began thinking, is this what depression looks like? Am I losing my mind? The ultimate question was, What is WRONG with me? Thankfully, days later I was back to my regular functioning self & all I could think of was hormones & Mama simply needed a break! If you are reading this thinking, "I have been there". "This happens to me". "I am so glad I am not alone". Sister, we are human! As a mama I pride myself in keeping it together 98.9% of the time, but that 1.1% it is OK to say I am losing my shit!
Mentally we withstand a lot of "stuff"on a daily basis. I remember hearing from other mama's that when you have kids you "lose yourself". I thought that meant you couldn't do what you wanted 100% anymore, or you couldn't maintain the social life you once had. I have come to realize that it means that plus so much more. Your happiness turns into whatever makes your kids happy and healthy is how your happiness is created. But within that goal, that mission, you forget that you can't be happy for your kids if you aren't happy with yourself. It comes from within, mama your happiness comes from your mental health & your well-being. Have you heard the saying "you can't pour from an empty glass"? That is a motto I live by..because that is 100% TRUTH. You can have the best house, car, job, family but if you don't take care of you, those things don't ever seem good enough.
I thank my monthly cycle & the rush of hormones to this realization ever month. Be thankful for what you have & the life that you have been given. But remember it's ok to struggle within the shitstorm, life wasn't meant to be easy. All we can do is figure out how to overcome the struggles & challenges that the shitstorm throws our way & smile after all is said and done. We have one life friends, don't live with regret & don't ever compare yourself to someone else...because whether they want to admit it or not, they are living in a shitstorm too!
That's all for now.
xo- KK
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